Killing Many Birds with One Stone
by thatweirdchicknextdoor
Summary: Itachi should have felt pity for his baby brother suffering from an ulcer. However, when a shinobi can kill two birds with one stone, he goes for it. Taking advantage of every day he can see her and his baby brother had a lot of benefits. Oneshot. Non-massacre. ItaSaku. Fluff.


**So this is a ItaSaku non-massacre oneshot, with lots of fluffy fluff, enjoy!**

**I do not own Naruto.**

* * *

Beer was not Itachi's favorite alcoholic beverage, neither Kakashi's, nor Sasuke's. But two light haired knuckleheads had somehow sat them down at the bar, and bought the drink out of sheer kindness for each of them. Itachi, being the role model of the group insisted that the two other stoic examples drink the beer out of pure politeness.

And there was a reason for not liking beer, at least on that day.

Naruto and Jiraya decided on the cheapest beer in the cheapest bar in Konoha.

Sasuke chugged it down in one swig, Kakashi refused to take off his mask, and Itachi took little baby sips which caught the attention of many of the women in the bar as they found him absolutely adorable. Sasuke too was ogled, but he turned green from either alcohol poisoning or poisoning in general, so many deterred their gaze from the young shinobi to Itachi.

And although he hid it well, Itachi really regretted saying no to Shisui's spar proposition. But he would never admit it.

"Itachi-san, next time you're choosing the location." Kakashi mused, watching Jiraya and Naruto have a verbal debate whether the person that sat across from them was either a man or a woman.

"Ah." Itachi stopped gripping his pint of beer to rest his head on his knuckles.

"So how goes you and your mother's matchmaking?"

After his planned engagement was called off because of Sasuke's angry banter on how trapped both brothers were, Itachi was again single. He enjoyed it quite a lot, but his mother was demanded by the Uchiha elders and her very own husband to find him a perfect wife that suited the clan's needs.

The recent memory of how his mother secretly exposed her plan to achieve romantic freedom for both her sons made him proud that there were Uchiha women so headstrong. Even though Itachi had insisted that he could handle the troubles himself, Uchiha Mikoto insisted that she could perform a few helpful tasks to help her already independent sons. The endearing memory of their familial embrace after the discussion warmed him up on the inside.

"She's working on it."

Kakashi gave him a sympathetic pat on the back.

"I know a few girls whom can possibly meet those stupid almost impossible standards."

"Do they come from the Uchiha clan?"

"Nope, actually… Now that I think about it… Yeah, except for one. But she doesn't exactly meet the standards, by morals and values at least."

Itachi raised a questioning brow; Kakashi must have been ridiculously drunk to even imagine a girl like that.

The list of standards happened to be something like this:

_Rule one: In order for the woman to be wed by an Uchiha male, she must be a virgin._

_Rule two: Must be extremely fertile, strong hip structure._

_Rule three: Must expect to be fertilized within a month of marriage._

_Rule four: She must be known for her beauty in order to produce healthy offspring._

_Rule five: Must stay home to keep the house._

_Rule six: Must be passive._

_Rule seven: Must respect all Uchiha equally._

_Rule eight: Must be properly dressed at all times, even when sleeping._

_Rule nine: Must have perfect eyebrows._

_Rule ten…_

Rule ten was something so ridiculous that he did not even want to remember it.

"Okay, she breaks most of them, but she is so radically different from the others that she could be your type."

Itachi sighed, "Kakashi-san, thank you, but I am currently satisfied with where I am, in romantic terms that is."

"Well whatever, just be sure to stop and have a conversation with Haruno Sakura, she is a much respected woman and quite interesting." Kakashi stated matter-of-factly.

Itachi recollected the blunt memories he had with the bubble-gum haired girl- now woman. They were on a complete medic-injured ninja basis. She wasn't as chatty as the other medics, and finished her job as soon as she could.

He respected the woman as his doctor, and occasionally praised her of the fine skills she worked so hard for. Indeed, Haruno was high on the list of women he would consider a candidate, but they never came across a path where they would have a talk other than the necessary questions he needed to answer for medical records.

"I'll consider it."

Sasuke rushed across the bar in a flash to the restroom, the beer had gotten to his system. Both Kakashi and Itachi watched with pity in their eyes, and Naruto and Jiraya passed out.

…

Sasuke had been admitted to the hospital, the amount of purging from the horrible alcohol had caused such a strong reaction, that he had been even vomiting blood. He had to be rushed to surgery as one doctor diagnosed, and was unfortunately correct.

His brother's rare admittance had obliged Itachi to come and visit, with a few changes of clothing from his mother in a small bag. All the nurses seemed to stop for a second as soon as he came into their sight. His handsome, polite appearance was to blame, and news about him being single spread much too fast for anyone's liking.

He spotted the familiar underwhelming height of his pink headed doctor. She efficiently kept her eyes on her clipboard while maneuvering around the busy hospital halls. She did not acknowledge any nurse, seemingly busy she was, and quickly she disappeared into a patient's room.

His attention then returned to finding Sasuke, whom was feeling better, as the medicine and surgery seemed to give results.

Sasuke had been suffering a large and painful stomach ulcer. The beer seemed to trigger the reaction the body needed to show he was in trouble. Shrugging from his brother's condition, Itachi had decided that he would live.

"You know Sasuke-kun, how many times have I told you to eat properly?"

It turned out, Sakura rushed to Sasuke's resting place in the hospital, and Itachi had caught them in a flurried quarrel.

"Not. Right. Now." The sudden sound of retching came through the door that the prodigy was about to knock on. He pondered for a small moment, should he knock or not?

A male sigh of relief came through to Itachi's side of the door, it was then he decided it would be fitting to knock.

Three raps on the door shocked Sasuke from his temporary relief. It was evident that Sakura didn't really want anyone to come in; she had finally found some quiet to finish her (Tsunade's) papers.

She sighed, annoyed, "Come in."

She was relieved to find Itachi and not Naruto, or any of those crazy potential suitors that Sasuke's clan elders chose. She marvelled at his pristine, sharp eyes, that oozed a dark, sexy intelligence. However, as stressed as she was, she wasn't going to flirt, or even give a second glance. There were many more things to think about other than Uchiha Itachi.

"Itachi-senpai, good day."

He nodded in acknowledgment, watching her blank expression turn to something more welcoming, a smile to be exact. He found it more pleasant compared to the serious expression on her face when she checked him for wounds and treated him for illness. Her bangs that surrounded her cheeks molded loosely to her high cheekbones. The sight gave Itachi a new perspective to Haruno Sakura.

She was absolutely adorable.

"Haruno-san." Sakura looked up to meet her green gaze to his dark grey one, answering with a little 'hmm?'

"You should smile more often; it graces a young face like yours."

Sakura stared into space from shock; her pale cheeks heatedly went rosy.

"A-Arigatou…" She glanced at her watch, regaining her composure all at the same time, "I have to go now, rest Sasuke-kun, and Itachi-senpai, scold him when he's not eating properly." She nodded towards them, opening the door to leave.

The door slammed shut, and Sasuke glared viciously at his older brother, "What the hell?"

"Is everything alright, other than your ulcer?" Itachi pulled the bag up to the end of the bed, "Mother said to give this to you since you'll be here for a while." He gave a gentle smirk, the one that soothed Sasuke as a child.

Sasuke crossed his pale, muscular arms like a five year old child, "Don't change the subject, you know exactly what I'm talking about, why are you flirting with my teammate?"

"I was simply complementing on her features." He followed Kakashi's advice, and the masked man was right, Haruno Sakura was definitely someone Itachi would consider.

…

Tea, opposite of beer, was the pacifist's favorite drink. Itachi, being one of them, was currently enjoying a fresh cup of green tea with his best friend, Shisui.

"Itachi-kun? I don't want to be rude, but may I point something out?" The two soaked their aching feet in the rushing water of the river, sitting on the edge of the riverbed. They had finished a genjutsu training session and were both mentally exhausted.

"What is it Shisui-san?"

He poked his friend on the shoulder, "You have a brighter aura around you, and you're not brooding." He stated simply with ease, "What's up?"

A fresh picture of Sakura's smile came to mind, and then her flustered appearance. He chuckled to himself, shaking his head, letting graceful strands of hair flow with him.

"It's nothing." He moved his bare feet against the current.

Shisui face dropped in frustration, "You know you have to eventually tell me."

Itachi placed the cup of tea beside him, "I'll save you the time," He sighed heavily, "I plan to ask Haruno Sakura on a date."

Shisui gave a rare smile, one that signified approval and pride for his friend, "Go for it, Sakura's strong."

They shared a good chuckle, in the back of Shisui's mind; he knew that Sakura was going to be a lucky and loved woman.

Shisui stopped laughing and started thinking deeply, "Do you think the carpet matches the drapes?"

Itachi glared seriously at him, the short haired male felt a shiver down his spine but quickly recovered.

"It's a serious question; I'll even bet that she dyes her hair."

Normally, Itachi did not enjoy those types of frivolous matters, but he felt rather competitive on that day.

"What will you wager dear cousin?"

Shisui blinked twice, "Uh… my tea stash."

"I believe this a deal, I must go visit Sasuke now." Itachi left a very shocked friend in a poof of smoke.

…

"Aniki." Onyx locked with onyx, Sasuke crossed his arms in annoyance, knowingly and mentally preparing himself of the front seat tickets to Itachi and Sakura's flirting.

"Are you feeling better?" His older brother innocently tilted his head to the side, causing Sasuke to raise a brow. Itachi knew very well that his brother was onto his tactics.

"Apparently, they had to stitch a few things." Sasuke continued holding his stomach, "And now, the antibiotics have to get rid of those bacteria." His pale face looked ghastly, his arms weak, eyes quivering in pain, and constant shaky swallowing made Itachi feel horrible for his younger brother.

"It is amazing how such an illness can bring a shinobi to his worst health." The older male stated. That comment did not make Sasuke feel bad for himself, but rather he knew it was something to marvel at.

Sasuke lowered his head, bangs covering his eyes, smirking, "It's the things that lie dormant inside you-"

A short, pink haired friend of theirs decided to suddenly pop in, bright, innocent eyes looked well rested.

"No double shift?" Sasuke asked meekly.

She shook her head abruptly, "No, had one yesterday doing one today, but Lady Tsunade is giving me the rare weekend off." She chuckled, "The very thought of sleeping in is resting my body!"

Both brothers gave an amused smirk to the bright words of the young woman.

"How are you feeling?" She scribbled a few things on her clipboard as the short haired male went deep into thought.

"Better after being cut open." He had a sarcastic tone in his voice.

"Good, nice to see you again Itachi-senpai."

He acknowledged her with a nod once again; he noticed that her lips kept upright that time instead of the serious mask she liked to put on.

"I see you have followed my advice from yesterday." He stated, causing an almost inaudible gasp to come out of her.

Sakura stood still for a moment and was at a loss for words, Sasuke wanted to gag, but he couldn't, as his esophagus was already doused with enough acid. The silence that filled the room was almost unbearable. Disturbed enough, Sasuke decided to break the aura.

"Itachi, just ask her out already!"

All eyes went to the sickly male, whom, both sulked and disgusted, rolled his sarcastic eyes.

Then, dark eyes complemented by long lashes and tear troughs went onto the petit body of the young medic, and crept up to met her shocked sea foam green eyes.

"Haruno-san, since you yourself had claimed to be free during the weekend, would you like to go out on a date Saturday night?"

She blushed and nodded, what she liked about Uchiha Itachi was that he was respectful of her during the checkups; he never flirted or had touched her in any way that made her uncomfortable. That was much appreciated by the young kunoichi. So it wouldn't hurt to have an encounter with him since he was nice on the eyes and quite intelligent.

"I best be going now," Itachi waved a pale hand goodbye, "Sakura, I look forward to seeing you on Saturday."

The door to the hectic chaos of hospital halls shut once more to reveal peace and slight shock in the air.

"You aren't seriously going to date him, right?"

"I happen to like your brother very much, and I am honored to be invited to a date with him." She stuck her nose up in the air, dreamily hugging her clipboard to her chest. Sasuke grunted, feeling a tinge of jealousy as his brother found a good potential partner. It reminded him of his own mistakes and his current lonely lifestyle.

Yet, he was proud of his brother, the fact that he chose such a good yet different woman that would set new expectations inspired him to continue his own search. The rumors involving Sasuke and women were abundant. It was rumored that he and Yamanaka Ino had once had sexual relations, which was untrue. But the biggest rumor was with him and the Mizukage, and some of the rumors were true. For the both of them, it was merely platonic sex, and Sasuke did not regret it once single bit, despite the tedious yelling and scolding the clan had put him up to.

But it was all worth it; he gained important experience, and learned how to please women. Itachi had a few high profile romances too in his twenty seven year old life. Sasuke knew Itachi was good in bed, as a few of the women he met had the happiest expression on their faces all while going around like a penguin. To Itachi and the women, they were just playmates, but he kept them much better hidden than Sasuke ever did.

The very thought that Itachi might take the pure Sakura frightened him. However, he assumed that it was for the best.

"Sakura, Itachi isn't as pure as you think."

She smiled, "I'm aware, I am his doctor after all…"

Of course Itachi had to answer all the questions needed to fill out his latest medical report honestly. Such as the so intimidating, "List all the sexual partners you have had in the past three months."

There were not many, but at first, it surprised the young medic that there was even one, since he had a fiancé and all.

"Right, the number isn't overwhelming is it?"

"No, it's a safe amount." She sighed, tilting her head to the side, aquamarine sympathetically gazing at Sasuke.

"You're just like a puppy, and you know what, babies and baby animals need rest than adults Sasuke-kun." She slowly moved to the door, stopping at the separating wall, "Don't worry, I'll be fine, sleep well."

And there Sasuke was left, bothered by the turn of events. It was his fault really, now his fellow teammate and older brother were set out on a date.

He mentally palmed his face, knowing that he shouldn't have said anything in the first place.

…

The array of lipsticks dazzled the young medic, the pinks to reds to even oranges was organized in a hypnotic manner. Indeed, Ino had a huge collection of makeup that most of the time, she could not even use.

"Forehead, where's the date going to be?"

Forehead shrugged her shoulders.

Ino sighed, putting her hands on her hips and looked out the window.

"Considering that it's nice out, it may be outdoors."

Sakura was not even listening instead, she opened many lipsticks and scrutinized each colour.

"Ino-pig, he just said that he would pick me up and seven, see?" she lifted the note that Shisui had delivered to her.

"Good god, that man has good handwriting…"

"I know." she went back to the lipsticks and chose an icy pink.

"I bet he's horrible in bed…" Ino mused.

"Doubt it; he's had more than a few sexual partners." Sakura darted back.

"Maybe they were after the title…"

Sakura turned from the mirror to face Ino, "How much do you bet?"

"My lipstick collection, while you, just the thought of you having unsatisfying sex would be enough of your side of the deal."

"Deal." They shook their small, feminine hands.

…

Sakura smoothed out any unwanted creases to her outfit, a silk blouse with a flowing skirt that went to her knees. The blouse revealed a teasing amount of cleavage and cinched at her waist, the pale blue made her cleavage almost too innocent to even glance at. The wedges made her long legs longer and gave another tease as to the imagination a spin and an assumption to what might her bare thighs look like. Her hair was let down, a simple hairclip pinned any intruding hair from her face.

In other words, she looked attractive, the candy bar attractive as Ino described, where one wants to eat the other up. Figuratively, of course.

There she was, waiting in the kitchen, anticipation building to the top of her lungs. She thought a little daydreaming could kill time, like maybe a walk with him in the moonlight. How handsome would her dark haired date be under the moon? She sighed, leaning back on her chair, staring at her ceiling.

The knock she was anticipating for all evening finally filled the hallways, and a giddy Sakura opened the door to find Uchiha Itachi in a light grey cashmere sweater and a pair of dark denim jeans.

She nodded to him, "Hello Uchiha-san."

"Sakura-chan, you can call me by my first name." he corrected politely.

"I-Itachi-san." She turned pink, an adorable reaction that could make any man lose their composure.

The sound of her name on his tongue gave her slight butterflies and vice-versa, but the two individuals would never admit it, neither to themselves.

"So, where are we going?"

"It's a secret." He took her hand gently and guided her through the crowded streets. The very warmth of it made her whole body refuse to let go, although the analytical part of her said differently, as this was only the first date.

They found themselves walking a lonely path lit by the reddish light of the setting sun. It seemed that her fantasy from when she was waiting seemed to be coming true. The silence between them was far from awkward as both enjoyed the natural sounds around them.

"We're here."

A huge cherry blossom tree that bloomed came into her wake. The strong, healthy roots created a whole new hill for itself. It was strange; it was the summertime, sakura blossoms should have died by then.

"This tree has a bit of an identity crisis, instead of blooming for a week in the spring, it blooms all summer long."

She laughed, revealing that welcoming smile that Itachi had developed a longing for.

They sat underneath it, losing their stresses and began long, deep conversations about almost anything. They didn't seem to need food or drink, despite the amount of hours passing.

It had become dark, and they found themselves at the entrance of Sakura's apartment number, arms wrapped around each other and joined to the hip. She didn't want him to leave her just yet and neither did he.

"Would you like to come in?"

He gave her a chaste kiss on the cheek, "That would be lovely."

…

Wine was a nice drink; it was fun to unwind with and clouded some senses after a glass or two. Not the memory, which would be five after what her mentor had taught her. She took notice that he was a slow alcohol drinker, probably just to make sure he would not make any mistakes, which had correct judgment.

The slow, passionate kiss that reeked of blossoming feelings was still very sexual. And arousal usually got her more drunk than consuming a bottle of absinthe. It was not a first date wrong to make out on her sofa with her date, that is, according to Ino.

What was so sinfully wrong but so right was the buttons on her blouse that seemed to unlatch one by one. And his musky smell that was sure to have rubbed onto her. It was so right…

And to think, she woke up naked in the arms of a very nude Itachi, sore from the constant satisfaction from last night. It was the moment he started kissing that Ino lost that insignificant bet, but at least now she would have a variety of expensive and seductive lipsticks that she could keep wowing him with. That is, if he did not regret the events of the prior night.

"Sakura-chan, are you awake?" It startled her, but she made a little noise signifying her consciousness, she felt him smile against the crook of her bare neck, tightening his hold on her, "Good."

He showered a few light kisses slowly but surely, leaving each spot burning and begging for more.

…

Both Itachi and Shisui went to pick up Sasuke whom was finally discharged from the hospital. The three agreed to have a cup of tea as a way of preparation of the clan's hostile welcome back.

"Aniki, how was your date with Sakura?" Sasuke placed his cup of tea back on the table, he was allowed to consume food again, and considering the ethereal glow that dispatched from his older, he guessed that the date went well.

"It exceeded all expectations." He then locked eyes with Shisui, "I believe that your tea stash is mine now."

"No way, so pink is a natural genetic thing?"

Itachi nodded.

Sasuke was not ignorant of the conversation, he had a feeling it had something to do with Sakura's biological composition. The two together discussed the most awkward and raunchy of subjects, in a polite manner with polite metaphors.

Shisui handed Itachi a key, shaped like a tea leaf, it was his most beloved key.

The bet was worth that much?

Just how many figurative birds did Itachi kill with that one figurative stone?

…

**Voila, my first oneshot, hope you liked it.**


End file.
